Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I'm an official bandster...I PB'D!

  I so wish I had someones phone number last night. Now that I think of it, we should have some sort of hotline set up. You know, someone that can answer all the crazy questions that come up: I just had surgery, what can I do about the gas pain? Is it normal to shart? HELP, I'M STUCK, WHAT DO I DO?
  Yeah, that last one, that was me last night. I was banded 6 months ago and had my first stuck/PB incident last night. I had my most recent fill on 11/17 and knew I was close to my "sweet spot." I haven't had any issues with any foods since surgery. I've been able to eat everything and it goes down fine. Some foods I have to go slow with, and if I don't chew well enough, I do feel it go down slowly. Never stuck though; that is until last night!
  We had BBQ steak and I was able to eat about 6 bites with no issues. Then I took a bite that was either too big or I didn't chew well enough, and I was stuck. I jumped up to race to the restroom and hovered above the sink...and nothing happened! It just stayed there! I was running around the house pounding my chest like Tarzan and beating the walls with my fists. It hurt soooo bad! It stayed stuck for 45 min. when I finally decided I needed to try something. It was not coming up or going down on its own. So, I decided to make myself PB. I didn't want to, but I didn't know what other choice I had. After a couple of rounds I felt better. After about an hour I decided to try something to drink. Of course I grabbed some water, right? NOT! I grabbed a nice super bubbly, 7-UP! What was I thinking!!!!! I took 1 sip and immediately knew there was going to be an issue. I threw the soda to my husband and made a mad dash to the bathroom. No assistance needed this time. The soda spewed out of my mouth like a rocket and I felt instantly better. This morning I tried a little sip of water and it went down ok, but didn't feel great. I will stick to liquids today and maybe try a yogurt for lunch and see how it goes.
  I hope I did everything I was supposed to do (besides attempt a drink a 7-up of course!) I was very nervous about making myself PB, but I didn't feel I had any other options. What do you guys do when you are stuck or in a similar situation? I don't plan on letting this happen again, but I am not a silly girl. I am sure at some point in my life I may get stuck again!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Weekly Weigh In and Thanksgiving

  I haven't done an official weigh in for quite awhile. Partly because I weigh myself all day every day and know right where I am, and partly because I fluctuate so much that it always seems to stay right around 263 no matter what. I have decided that in order to hold myself accountable and have a reliable record, I must commit to an "official" weekly weigh in. It used to be Thursdays since this was the day of the week I had surgery, so I will keep it on Thursdays. I weighed myself yesterday and was so excited to see 261! Yay...this is a new low for me since surgery.  I am going to try to hold myself to just the one weigh in per week. This is going to be VERY hard for me since I am used to weighing in at least 3 times a day. Unhealthy; yes, I believe so. Mentally that is. It plays games with me, and I only make myself more frustrated. So here is to only weighing in on Thursdays and keeping track of it!
  I hope everyones Thanksgiving went well. I was very proud of myself on the eating front, but at the same time, I didn't feel that it was that hard to hold back. Could this be the band and myself finally working together? I sure hope so! So, here is what was on my dinner plate:
  • About 3oz turkey
  • 3 tbsp. green bean casserole w/1 onion ring on the top
  • 2 tbsp stuffing
  • 2 heaping tbsp. mashed potatoes w/1/2 ladle of gravy
That was it! And I didn't even eat all that was on my plate. I ate all of my turkey, and all of my green bean casserole, and left about a bite each of my mashed potatoes and stuffing. Notice how there was NO DINNER ROLL on my plate. That's right people, I stayed away from the bread basket! This was a huge accomplishment now that I look back on it. During the time though, again, none of these decisions were hard for me. Its just what I wanted on my plate, and I stopped when I was full. Plain and simple. Now, I did have a regular sized slice of pumpkin pie; but this is what I believe any "normal" (meaning non-obese) person would have had. I never set out to get the band to stop eating what I enjoy, just to eat it in moderation and on special occasions/holidays. In the past I never ate more than 1 slice in the first place, but I can tell you that I would have purchased a whole pumpkin pie myself and have finished about 3/4 of it in about a week and a half after Thanksgiving. I did take some leftover pie home with me, about 4 slices, but I fully intend on just having 1 more slice and throwing the rest out. I hate to waste, but for some reason, my mother-n-law purchased 2 of the large pies from Costco and and there was just too much leftover, even after divvying it up. Again, this should not be a hard decision for me. I think I am finally at the point mentally where I am making decisions that while a certain food still sounds good to me, it is not worth it in the end. I am making that choice. Be healthy, or stay fat forever. I'll take the former please!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

  I just wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! I know many of you are prepping and preparing to either have a full house or to head out to spend time with your families. I will be snuggling up to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and then preparing a salad and rolls (hard job right?) to take to grandma's house around 3pm. I was going to do the Black Friday thing, but by looking at the lines already on the news there won't be any deals left by the time I am willing to leave my family tonight.
  Have a great holiday everyone and I hope we all remember what we are thankful for; I am sure our bands are at the top of our lists!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Monday Musing..with much more!

  I had an interesting day yesterday.  A sort of revelation I guess you could say. I all of a sudden felt really down; about everything. Particularly my weight, like usual, right? It was one of those moments where I thought about everything I am doing to try to make my band work for me, and realized I'm not doing much at all on my end. I am not stepping up to the plate. Since my fill this past Thursday, I have been eating less, but my food choices have remained the same. Granted, on the weekends I am not nearly as "good" as during the work week, but alas, this should not be an excuse.
  I noticed that I seem to just go through the motions of a bandster. Meaning, I do the research, look at healthy recipes, read other blogs for tips and inspiration, look at my library's catalog for good books to pick up, even purchase a couple of lap-band books, and I can even talk about all of the benefits of the Lap-Band to a co-worker thinking about the procedure. But when it comes to actually "living" this lifestyle, I feel like a failure.
  Yesterday, I just got sick of it. I am TIRED of looking in the mirror and seeing the same body day in and day out looking back at me. I am TIRED of seeing 26_ on the scale every day, 3 times a day (yes, I need help). Most of all, I am just TIRED of not being who I feel I should be. So, today I woke up (still in a funk), and got my Blender Bottle out with my Whey Protein like my PA at my surgeons office politely asked me to do. I made a can of tuna with 1 tbsp mayo for lunch with 5 pieces salami and 1 slice of cheese. I plan will walk during my morning break at work.
  I will again take this journey step by step and follow where my heart leads. Today it was telling me to wake up and start taking responsibility for myself.

  And now (we need a pick me up, yes?) for your Monday Musing....

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Houston...we have RESTRICTION!

  I am sooooo excited! After 6 long months, I am finally at restriction. While I don't like to place blame on anyone or anything but my own actions throughout this process, I do feel that to some degree, if I were able to get to restriction sooner, I would have lost more weight to date. I'm still not quite sure if it is my surgeons policy or insurance, but either way, I have to wait a minimum of 6 weeks between fills. My surgeon doesn't put any CC's in at time of surgery, and the first fill wasn't until 8 weeks after surgery. So, needless to say, it has been a slow process. Slow or fast, I am just glad it is finally here! I am not quite sure if I am at my sweet spot or not yet. I may need to lean on my blog buddies to assist with this in the coming weeks. My next appointment is scheduled for December 26th, and I will have to make my first major decision regarding fills. Up to this point it has been a no brainer that I wasn't at restriction and would be making my next appointment no matter what. But now that I feel restriction, the debating as to whether to get just a touch of a fill begins. We will see how it plays out once I start getting use to this new feeling and how it helps me in the weight loss area. So far, I have been managing well. I have not found anything that I cannot eat yet. I do feel my food go down, but not in an uncomfortable way. At least not if I chew properly and eat slowly. Once while testing the waters I did swallow a bite a little too fast and noticed minimal discomfort. I can't wait to see the results from this new chapter in my journey. To finally feel that my band is there and working for me is such a great feeling!
  In other news, I am still doing great with my goal of not drinking while eating. Tomorrow will be the 7th day of being at this goal and being 100% compliant. So, I will be setting a new goal to go along with it. Without any thought needed, I know my next goal has to be:
Waiting 30min to drink after eating
Now that I am restriction, I have noticed a big change with this. As soon as I was done eating, I would pick up a drink and take a sip and feel almost immediate discomfort. Its exactly as I've read so many of you say, its like the liquid just sits on top of the food. Which isn't fun at all. It just feels, weird. So, as a good bandster is supposed to do anyways, I will be waiting 30min after each meal before drinking starting tomorrow. ( I will most likely start this today anyways though because it doesn't feel that great).
  I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend and is hopefully looking forward to a short work next week. I have a ton of housework that needs to be completed today and tomorrow. Just about 5 loads of laundry, unloading the dishwasher, loading it back up, handwashing the larger dishes, cleaning the bathroom (including the tub...boohoo), and overall picking up around the ENTIRE house. Anyone feel sorry for me yet?

Friday, November 18, 2011

It's Friday...BYOC!

I'm very excited; one because it's Friday, WAHOOOO! Two, I am participating in my first BYOC! I also want to say thank you to everyone leaving comments on my blog and for following me. It means a lot to me to know that someone actually cares about what I have to say (or at least is pretending to). I can't wait to finish reading all of your blogs so I can start commenting as well. Thanks Again!

It’s Friday and that means it’s time for another installment of BYOC! That’s Bring Your Own Crazy!! We answer 5 questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy and paste to your own blog if you so desire – and ENJOY!

I’m going to do a Thanksgiving themed BYOC this week (it was Jenny’s idea)!

1. What is your FAVORITE part of Thanksgiving?

I feel that Thanksgiving is the official start to the holidays. It is the first family gathering around the table, the holiday movies begin, and there is a general feeling of cheeriness (I may have just made that up) in the air. The house gets decorated, the Christmas tree is purchased, and the shopping begins.
2. How many Thanksgiving family events will you attend?

I will only attend one Thanksgiving this year. In past years I and my husband would typically have Thanksgiving dinner with his family, and then go over to my parents for dessert and to be with my side of the family. This year we are having Thanksgiving dinner at his Grandma's like usual, but my parents will be joining us as well. It will be very nice to have both families together for once!
3. What’s your biggest Thanksgiving tradition?

I don't think I really have a Thanksgiving tradition. Other than Pumpkin Pie; does that count! It is my favorite dessert in the whole world. Over cakes, ice cream, candy, brownies, donuts, any other pies, cookies...anything; I LOVE pumpkin pie. Although I have the band this year, I do plan on indulging. Maybe just one slice on Thanksgiving and one togo for another day rather than in years past where I would purchase a whole pie for myself to eat over a weeks period.

4. Do you Black Friday shop the day after Thanksgiving?

I love Black Friday shopping! Usually I and my husband are selfish and just shop for ourselves though. We save up to buy something big if we need it and wait until Black Friday to get a good deal. Last year was my husbands Christmas present of an IPod, and the year before that was our big screen TV. This year a Wii, and a new camera are on the list. If we find something at the store we are at for others, then we will purchase it there, but we will only usually go to one store. I love the hustle and bustle of the shopping season!
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog world.

Real life is fantastic right now. I have a newfound positive outlook on things and have a general sense of peace about everything. I am excited to bring good energy to everything I do! And of course a 4 day weekend next week is to absolutely die for!

Blog world is great. I am appreciative for all of my followers and the support I receive. I love getting caught up on all of my followers blogs; just takes awhile because I am anal and like to read from the very beginning of your journeys!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

4th fill and goal update

  Today I had my 4th fill and I can't wait to find out if I am finally at restriction. I am officially at 6cc's in a 10cc band. From what I described to my PA she thinks I should be very close if not a little overfilled after this last 1cc today. We shall see tomorrow! Now for the not so good news...I hadn't lost any weight since my last fill about 7 weeks ago. While I can't say I am surprised, I am disappointed. I am not disappointed in my band, I am disappointed in me. In the fact that I have let 6 months slip by with little effort on my part.
  Drazil's post yesterday really hit home to me. This is not EASY. I didn't think it would be easy per-se; but easier than it has been, yes. I know the process works, if you work the process. I did not lose 24 pounds by miracle or just because I laid on an operating table for 1 1/2hours and now have a plastic device around my stomach. I have worked hard, just not nearly as consistent as I should be. I try to keep the faith in the moments when I really sit down and think about my progress thus far, and these are the moments when reflection sets in and I vow to do better. Whether that lasts only through my next meal, that is one more meal I will be more conscious of. I just pray I will have more of these moments rather than get "lost" in the everyday and act as if I didn't have surgery at all.
  With that, I have been working hard at my daily goal of no drinking while eating. I am proud to say I have been 100% successful at this so far. I have a couple more days to go, and when I reach 7 days in a row without drinking while eating, I will add a new goal. I will keep adding goals every 7 days until I have a stable foundation and can handle more responsibility. I can't say for sure when that will be, but as my new motto goes, I will continue to take it one day at a time.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Monday Musings

  So....I have noticed on some blogs people like to put in little jokes, and cartoons, and personally, I like reading these. It is something to look forward to each week. And who doesn't like a little laugh every now and then? Hence, I have come up with "Monday Musings." Everyone needs a little pick me up on Mondays as we drag ourselves into work with our Big Gulps of coffee, ready to tackle the week. So here is your fist Monday Musing! Hope you enjoy!

Out There Cartoons - Updates every Thursday

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Daily Goals

  The time has come. I must start setting goals.  I feel I will hold myself much more accountable if I set a goal and post it. I would hate to set a goal and then have to post that I didn't make it. Since I believe in short steps to success, my goal setting will be no different. I will set one goal a day. Once I accomplish that one goal 7 days in a row, then I will add a new goal. I want to make sure that I just focus on that one goal during the day. In the past I would set multiple goals at once and get really overwhelmed. My first goal I am setting for tomorrow is:
No drinking while eating

  This has been very hard for me, and one of the primary "band rules" that I don't follow. I get so thirsty while eating! So, my focus, one day at a time, is not drinking while eating. I haven't decided if this should include not drinking 30 minutes after eating or not. It probably should, but again, it is hard enough for me to not drink while eating, much less having to wait the 30 minutes afterward. I think that may be the next goal since they kind of go hand in hand. 

 In other news, I went to a new dentist yesterday. My current dentist is ok, but my husband needs some major work done and I wanted to find someone I could trust with his front tooth. So, being the wonderful wife I am, I sacrificed myself, and this is who I came up with:

Don't you feel sorry for me ladies?!?!?! He is even more handsome in person! So, I gave the new dentist two thumbs up (really though, great dentist!). Needless to say, all fears of the dentist have gone away.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Potlucks and skinny women

  I recently changed positions in my department at work which relocated my desk to the other side of my building. My new desk is just a few feet away from where I first started 3 years ago, and the same group of women who used to sit there are still there. I must start off by saying that I love this group of aprox. 8 women. They are all very close as they have been with the company for eons and have always sat next each other. They are hilarious, and talk about the most random of things. Most of them are in their 50's and I get a hoot out of the different topics that come up  (I am 29 and the conversations I and my friends have are so different). I was glad I was returning to this section of the department as I could use a little bit of entertainment throughout the day, and they were a shoe in to deliver.
  I have never been a big fan of potlucks. For one, I see how messy and dirty you leave your desk at work, who knows what your home looks like. Secondly, I can't stand the thought of everyone's hands digging into whatever mysterious dish you brought. Or, you know, chip bags, or anything not served with a spoon. Since surgery, I have also noticed that I pay extra attention to whenever said potlucks or occasions come up at work. It fascinates me how people herd around food. They line up like they are never going to eat again. Our phones at work can be going crazy and all you have to do is look for the food to find where everyone went.
   I got settelled into my new desk on Tuesday and the very next day had learned of a potluck these women were going to have. I thought nothing of it, wasn't even interested as I am not usually tempted by these. It hasn't bothered me much watching other people get to enjoy food. Until the other day that is. These women sat and ate A-L-L  D-A-Y  L-O-N-G! Sandwiches, cookies, and too many desserts to name them all. Not to mention that they are all a size 2-4 (ok, maybe not all of them, but you get the picture). Then they would complain while rubbing their non-existent tummy's that they ate too much. Then they would talk about how big their thighs were or some other issue they had with themselves. I could not believe my ears. It was VERY hard to listen to. I know this is something I will have to get used to, but I was almost brought to tears by the time I went home. To know that others can sit there and eat crap all day long and still be so tiny has always been hard for me. It seems like the smallest of things would make me 2 lbs heavier in just one day.
   Man, this is going to be hard. These women have potlucks like they are going out of style. I just have to keep my eye on the prize. One foot in front of the other.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I ate fish....and I liked it.

  Ok, so I'm gonna let the cat out of the bag. It wasn't what a typical grown adult would consider fish, but we all have to start somewhere, right?

This is what I had last night. Baby steps people, baby steps. I wanted to start with something not as strong, and fresh I guess you could say. I really liked these, and even though they are breaded, they are still a somewhat healthy option. Here are the nutrition facts (well, the main three I always consider):
Serving Size (2 fillets)
And the best part was that I only used about 2 tablespoons of tartar sauce at 60 calories. Coupled with a small salad, I was proud of myself with my dinner choice.

  I was so excited by my accomplishment last night only to have it deflated this morning with a 1lb gain on the scale. My husband gingerly pointed out that last night before bed I had a small glass of milk and a good sized piece of a brownie/chocolate chip cookie dessert. It is amazing how the little things add up. I don't have desserts too much any more, and I thought with my good dinner option I would have the left over calories. Yeah, not so much when you really write it all out and keep track.
  It has always seemed in the past that the harder I would try to lose weight, the more I failed. Anyone else have this problem? I will try to not get too discouraged though. I know that hard work and persistence will pay off in the long run. And once I track calories for awhile I will become more aware of what I am eating and eventually not have to track any longer. No dessert for me tonight! 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

What I'm doing different!

  A lot of things have changed with my mindset in the past couple of weeks regarding my lap-band and what I need to change to be more successful. I have realized that fast food should not be a regular at least once a week, I need to move more, and the drinking while eating definitely needs to stop. These are just a few of the changes I plan on making.
  Yesterday, I am proud to say, I walked during my morning break at work for 15 min. While I realize this is no major feat, it is one small thing I plan on doing daily now to help make progress. My eating habits need major work. I and my husband eat out way too much. I have never been a big cook, but I need to learn. My palate also reminds me of that of a 5 year old. I don't like fish. I can't stand most veggies. Soup is not a  favorite. You can see my dilemma here, right? Another thing that is hard for me is that I am not at restriction yet. I have a 10cc band and am currently at 5cc's. I do notice some discomfort if I don't chew something really well or eat too fast. And I do stay full for aprox. 5 hours. On the other hand I don't have any issues eating any specific food (bread, red meat, etc.). While I still want to enjoy these things, I don't think it should be this easy to enjoy them! I am also able to eat more than I should. To stop at 1 1/2 cups takes a lot of will power on my part. I am looking forward to my next fill on 11/17 when hopefully I will reach my "sweet spot."

p.s. And just for "New Beginnings" sake, I am going to try some fish tonight. I will let you know how it goes!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Faith and the LapBand

  I decided I would take a minute to discuss why I chose my blog title:New Beginnings-Faith and the LapBand. I have never been a very faithful person. I belonged to the Catholic church as a young child, however I and my family stopped going to church when I was about 10 years old. My first year in college I was introduced to a non-denominational church and thought it was interesting, but again, it didn't really stick with me. In the meantime I had introduced my parents to the church and they have been with this same church for aprox. 10 years now. Every now and then I would attend a service here and there with them, but until recently I wasn't that interested. Within in the past month I have been seeking the spiritual side of myself. I am interested in having my questions about faith answered and have been looking for the answers within myself along with some spiritual readings and one trip back to the non-denominational church.
  I believe there are times in our lives when we have to lean more on God (or whatever serenity we believe in, whether it be Buddha, yoga, journaling, etc.) I choose to believe that this is one of those times in my life. I have struggled to lose weight since being banded in May. Struggled may be a term used a little too loosely as I am the first to admit I haven't put in 100%, or maybe not even 50%. I am sure we have all "prayed" at some point to make the fat just disappear. Let the cellulite fade away. Don't let me pick up that piece of cake. You know what I'm saying. While I know that I am going to be the number one factor in my success, I would say that Faith is going to have a strong part as well. I have to believe in myself. Believe that the process will work. Have faith that one day I will be able to cross of each one of my "Wishes Do Come True" items. Without Faith, I think we would all get lost at some point in our lives.
  I am going to rely on me and my own decisions for most of my successes and bumps along my journey. Faith will be the next thing I will seek and hold in my heart to guide me. Oh, and there is one other little thing I will be counting on. That small little friend that will give me a nudge if I've gone off the straight and narrow, that will gently remind me of my faults (lets face it, we all have them), and will prompt me to remember why I chose this path; my Lap-Band!

New Beginnings

  I was banded on 5/12/2011. I have lost 24lbs. to date; not what I would nearly expect at this point, but a number I am grateful for. I am looking for a new beginning to my lap-band life. I need to hold myself more accountable and follow the "rules" more; a lot more!
  This is my second attempt at blogging. My previous blog got a little too personal and ended up not being the blog I wanted it to be. I did want to keep most of my previous posts for reflection purposes, so if you are interested about my journey thus far, they are located under the tab at the top of my blog labeled "previous blog." I enjoy reading so many inspiring blogs and hope I can provide the same support for others. Here's to new beginnings and finishing what I started!