I had an interesting day yesterday. A sort of revelation I guess you could say. I all of a sudden felt really down; about everything. Particularly my weight, like usual, right? It was one of those moments where I thought about everything I am doing to try to make my band work for me, and realized I'm not doing much at all on my end. I am not stepping up to the plate. Since my fill this past Thursday, I have been eating less, but my food choices have remained the same. Granted, on the weekends I am not nearly as "good" as during the work week, but alas, this should not be an excuse.
I noticed that I seem to just go through the motions of a bandster. Meaning, I do the research, look at healthy recipes, read other blogs for tips and inspiration, look at my library's catalog for good books to pick up, even purchase a couple of lap-band books, and I can even talk about all of the benefits of the Lap-Band to a co-worker thinking about the procedure. But when it comes to actually "living" this lifestyle, I feel like a failure.
Yesterday, I just got sick of it. I am TIRED of looking in the mirror and seeing the same body day in and day out looking back at me. I am TIRED of seeing 26_ on the scale every day, 3 times a day (yes, I need help). Most of all, I am just TIRED of not being who I feel I should be. So, today I woke up (still in a funk), and got my Blender Bottle out with my Whey Protein like my PA at my surgeons office politely asked me to do. I made a can of tuna with 1 tbsp mayo for lunch with 5 pieces salami and 1 slice of cheese. I plan will walk during my morning break at work.
I will again take this journey step by step and follow where my heart leads. Today it was telling me to wake up and start taking responsibility for myself.
And now (we need a pick me up, yes?) for your Monday Musing....