Previous Blog! (originally posted 4/19/2011)

This blog is hopefully not only going to inspire me to be a better person, but maybe inspire some of you in your weight loss journey, or maybe some totally other perspective of your life. My main purpose is to let out my feelings and thoughts, and yet be accountable to some extent to all you out there in cyberland. I want to motivate and more importantly be motivated.

I have only really been considered overweight or obese for about the past 8 years. I was never overweight as a child and led a pretty normal life through adolescence, the teenage years, and the beginning of adulthood. Of course, once I hit about 14 years old or so, I was constantly thinking I was fat (what teenage girl doesn't?). In high school I was on the Drill Team/Dance and although I wasn't too outgoing and never hung around the popular kids, I was never too self-conscious about myself to not have a boyfriend. Once I was 16 I was working at a gym in the daycare center, and for the next couple of years continued to work jobs where I was constantly on my feet and on the go. Waitressing , retail, nanny, hotel/front desk; you name it, I was on my feet, moving around.

I didn't really start to notice the weight gain until I met what would now be my husband. Lets face it; I got comfortable. I think a lot of things contributed to it really. I was eating out more getting to know this wonderful new man in my life, moved out of the parents home and away from somewhat wholesome home cooked meals, and I got my first desk job sitting on my badonkadonk for 8 hours a day. I have stayed in that chair for the past 8 years. Time slipped away, and before I knew it I was 287 lbs! I have never really been open about my weight. While my mom would tell me she is concerned about me, and that she prays for my health, it was just one of those things that never came up.

So, now I am here at my heaviest, 287, waiting to get this great little rubber band thingy (LapBand), that is going to help me change my life. I can't wait for what is in store for me; except for the Bandster Hell, PBing, and the constant fear of band slippage I have read so much about! May 12th can't get here any faster and I am sooooo excited to share this experience with everyone.

Goodbye La Bou (originally posted 4/20/2011)

Today I said farewell to a longtime friend. With surgery coming up in a little over 3 weeks, it is time to start parting with those who have made me happy.....and fat! I absolutely LOVE La Bou's sourdough round with dill dip. From what I have read, bread is going to be one the hardest things to get down, if you can get it down at all. Not only is it bad for your band, but it is pointless/empty calories. So I said goodbye to my love of bread today. I may sneak in a sandwich before surgery, but gone are the days of deliciously, fluffy, absolutely wonderful dough.

So last night I decided I would have to get some before pictures done. I went into the depths of the clothes that once fit me, searching for the last swimsuit I owned. I started thinking about the last time I wore the thing, now when was it? I pulled it out and started to pull on the top, and starting damn near suffocating myself! I yanked the thing off and looked at the size; size 16! Are you crazy?!?! I can't even remember the last time I was a 16, which in retrospect means I can't remember the last time I went swimming, or to the beach for that matter. I am currently a size 22/24; so long gone were the days of 16. I decided I should still take a picture, and well, here is the result...

I was not about to show all of my beautifullness all over the place in a swimsuit that is a good 3 sizes to small. But don't worry my friends....I will be posting REAL before pictures shortly. I'll probably have to pull out a pair of shorts and a tank. Until next time!

Can't I Give it One More Try? (originally posted 4/22/2011)

Last night I totally fell apart. With my surgery only 21 days away, I started thinking about all the foods I either won't be able to eat again, or will have a very hard time eating. Pretty sad, huh? How food is like a friend that you won't ever see again. At first I was crying watching my husband eat a saltine cracker thinking to myself that I won't be able to waste calories on an empty carb such as a cracker. So then I start the pity thing, thinking how did I let myself get to the point where I need surgery to "help" me. I was amping myself up telling my husband, "Can't I give it one more try the "regular" way?" Whatever regular means, right? Anyways, the crying pity party lasted about 15 minutes, and then reality set in and I told myself that I am just getting anxious and thats only normal before something like this. I went over all the reasons why I have decided to go through with the Lap-Band, and like a million times before I came to the conclusion, that I have given myself how many chances to lose weight the "regular" way? Anywho, so today I am feeling a little better, still nervous about surgery, but excited about changing my life.

Question for all you bandsters out there: How did you overcome this yourself? The weighing back and forth, and questioning if you have made the right decision.

To My New Friends! (originally posted 4/22/2011)

I want to tell all of my new friends, blogging buddies, and followers THANK YOU so much for all the kind comments and support. And a definite gynormous (yeah, I think I made that up) thank you to Lori for being so kind and connecting me with most of you guys. You guys have no idea how much it means to me. Please give me a little time to catch up on all your blogs, but I will be sure to follow each and every one of you and eventually start commenting on your posts. I am looking forward to getting to know you guys and your journeys. Hopefully I will be able to eventually give out some advice, and maybe with me being a newbie on the block my experiences may remind you guys of where you were at the beginning of your journeys.

Now some exciting news...this weekend I'm going to take all of my before pictures! I'm excited to take all of the before shots and post them, that way I will have a reference to go back to when I'm doom and gloom over "just" losing like 20 lbs. or something. I think before pictures are going to be huge inspiration and bring a smile to my face whenever I can look at the mirror and see the differences. And who doesn't like pictures! I love seeing all your pictures. I truly believe the in the saying, "Seeing is believing." You can only describe so much in words and do your best, but a picture is worth a million bucks!

So, since I love pictures so much, here is a picture of me and my husband (Matt) last summer at the San Diego zoo.

No Pre-Surgery Diet....huh? (originally posted 4/24/2011)

First off,  HAPPY EASTER everyone! I haven't really celebrated Easter since I was around 13 years old. The "Easter Bunny" would visit of course, but I and my family had stopped going to Easter Services at our Catholic church around that time. Since then, we would get together for Easter supper, but that was really it. My parents have found a new church they love, Bayside, which is non-denominational, but follows Christian beliefs. I and Matt will be over for lunch today around 2pm, and watch my niece Coco do her easter egg hunt. Whatever your plans are for the day, I hope everyone has a great Easter!

Now....on to Lap-Band issues. I have a major concern about my upcoming surgery and wanted to get your guys' opinion. My surgeon does not require a pre-surgery diet. EVERY person I have spoken to, or read about, had to do a 2 week pre-surgery liquid diet. This is to help shrink the liver and make surgery a little easier without having to work around a "fatty" liver. So I asked my surgeon about it, who is the number one surgeon in all of the Sacramento area, and she said it has just never been a problem for her, and every doc has their own opinion. So I am thinking to myself, do I just do it anyways on my own, or not go through the unnecessary pain (ok, not pain in that sense, but you know what I mean) if I don't have to. Did any of you not have to go through the 2-week pre-surgery diet?

Official before these ever look cute? (originally posted 4/24/2011)

Like I promised, the posting of the "official" before pictures.

Is it just me, or do all "official" before pictures seem to be your worst pictures ever? Of course they are supposed to be centered on how unattractive your body is and how "fluffy" it has gotten, but really though? The lighting is bad, my face looks greasy, and I have random strands of hair "flyaways" every where. I guess all the more to want to change right? Oh, and I forgot to mention that I knew I had a double chin, but I'm pretty sure we get a close up of a third chin. I didn't even know that was possible. Man, these make me gloomy. But better days are ahead, so I will turn my frown upside down!

Pre-op Appointment Today! (originally posted 4/28/2011)

I cannot believe surgery is only 14 days away! I find it funny that we get so anxious for stuff in todays world... I call it the "I wanted it yesterday" syndrome, that once something is so close to actually happening, we get so nervous/anxious/scared for it. I have been waiting for this for what seems like FOREVER, realistically 9 months from the start when I went to a seminar, but now that it is almost here I feel like I am in a sort of haze. I have prepared myself the best I can, but no matter what I try, I can't help but have all those questions run through my mind all day long. Again, I know this is the right decision, but I guess like any major decisions we make in life (marriage, buying a home, careers) there is always going to be that "Lord, please help me" on replay. is my Pre-Op visit. I have a few questions for the surgeon that weren't answered in the initial consult, but I was wondering if any of you had any suggestions of what I should ask? Was there anything you wish you had asked your doc, but forgot until after surgery, or something you had to learn on your own? I did have my gallbladder removed a little over 2 years ago, so I have been told this surgery is going to feel almost identical as far as the actual procedure goes, so I'm not too worried about going under anesthesia, the gas/shoulder pain, or anything like that. But sometimes I go into a visit and when the doc asks "Did you have any more questions?" I feel like I should have a whole list. Any input would be appreciated!

Really....thats it? (originally posted 4/28/2011)

So, I just got back from my pre-op diet. I guess it was all I expected it would be. I just felt like, "Thats it?" when I left. I love, love, love, my surgeon, her staff and everyone involved. They are all very friendly, helpful, and I can't say a bad thing about any them. But I left my appointment today feeling incomplete. I don't know, its hard to describe. My visit was 30 minutes long, and I was given the opportunity to ask as many questions as I wanted (thanks everyone who suggested questions I could ask, I hadn't thought of some of them!), but I don't know, it just seemed kind of rushed I guess.'s what I found out:

1. They don't know what size band I am getting-My surgeon thinks she will use the standard on me judging by my size, which is the 10cc; but they will have both on hand. I guess its easier to determine once they get inside of me to measure my stomach and determine at that time which one they will use.

2. I asked what pain medication I will be on after surgery- even though in the million of pages of documents I have had to fill out, I have mentioned that I am allergic to Vicoden, for some reason they seemed surprised by this when I find out they will be giving me some type of liquid Vicoden to go home on. So I said, is there anything else, and they said the only other liquid pain medication they used just got pulled off the shelf about 3 months ago. OK great! Now what the H E double hockey sticks am I going to do? They said I can use Tylenol if I can't take the Vicoden. Gee thanks, you're talking to someone that takes a 800mg Ibuprofen at the slightest hint of a headache. So, I guess we will have to wait it out. Crossing my fingers for the low end of the pain scale.

3. Oh, its a no go for any nauseous medication. I had those meltaway/dissolving ones after my gallbladder removal, but my surgeon says, if you are that nauseous then you are eating too fast, or are too tight. Thats the kind of thing they want you to work on without medication for. They want you to listen to your body and come to them with any feelings of nauseous so they can figure out what is wrong. Of course if I can't even keep the simplest things down at first, then they will re-evaluate the situation and prescribe the nauseous medication.

4. I asked if I would have to cut up my birth control pill since it is so teeny tiny. They said yes, especially for the first week. After week one or two I may be able to swallow it whole since it is so small.

5. The most unpleasant thing about surgery is that Aunt Flo will be visiting. Good timing, right? So I asked if I would be able to wear a tampon. They said no, pad only. I said, "What ?!?!" along with a very unpleasant sigh, and groaning noise. I haven't worn a pad since the beginning of time, ok so maybe when I was like 13. So of course my next question was, do I keep my panties on during surgery then? She then said, "Well, they may give you some disposable type underwear." Say What?!?!? Oh, no, this is not going to work for me. So my solution, you wonder. I will simply try to skip my period by skipping my non-hormonal pills and dive directly into my next months hormonal cycle. I have my "lady" visit next week and I make sure that my OB is on board with this decision although I can't see why it would be a problem.
So I think I am squared away for surgery. I will do my own no carbs/no sugar diet 1 week before surgery since my surgeon doesn't require it. I bought some protein powder tonight; Body Fortress. I will let you guys know what I think. Until then....happy Friday eve! Whoooopeeee!

Protein Powders...HELP! (originally posted 5/2/2011)

So I tried the Body Fortress (chocolate) and I can't seem to get the right consistency. The first time I tried it with 16oz of water to 2 scoops and it was too watery. So this time I tried 12-14 oz water with 2 scoops and it is too grainy. I have shaked the thing for what seems like 10 minutes straight (in a Blender bottle) and it is still a no go. I can use non-fat milk, but isn't that the same as water basically? URggggghhhhh...I don't know what I am going to do. I am ordering another protein powder BiPro off of the internet today, and I have tried that one before and like it. Its just a little on the expensive end. Have any of you tried the brand NECTAR from Vitamin Shoppe? I think that may be my next choice.

Debbie Downer....Party of One (originally posted 5/3/2011)

All I keep thinking about is how traumatic my life will be after surgery without the foods I love in my life. Granted they are the evil spawn that got me to where I am,  I KNOW somewhere in my brain I am telling myself  it will all be ok. But will it really? Today I cried, actually cried thinking about all of the foods I will not be able to get in for "one last meal" before surgery. Sad right? Please tell me I'm not the only one that felt this way. If so, I will retreat with my make believe tail between my legs. Everyone keeps telling me that I will be able to eat the foods I like "some of the time" and "just in moderation" but I plan on sticking to my surgeons and dietitians rules to the T. When they say no more soda, I will NEVER drink soda again. When they say no more rice because it expands in your stomach, I will NEVER eat rice again. While I know many of you are probably shaking your heads right now, thinking "Poor, poor girl. She has no clue," I am really going to try to stick to the rules 100%.
I think the bigger issue that got me really upset today is how a lot of my activities/life revolves around food. Celebrations, birthdays, holidays, get-togethers....every single last one of them involved the sentence at some point of "Well, where are we going to eat." For my birthday a couple of years ago I and my husband went on a short trip up to Reno, NV. We stayed at the Atlantis casino, and had a great mini-vacation.....which included the Buffet for Breakfast and Dinner both days we were there. I was thinking about my birthday this year, and saying to myself, we had a really good trip that year, lets go again. Then the first thought that popped into my mind was, "Oh crap, what will we eat?" The only thing that I processed in my head was the stinking food! Yeah, we had fun gambling a little, and walking to the different casinos, but come on, what is better than earning those comps to only find out you get a free trip to the buffet? Who goes to a casino without going to the buffet? I was crying, thinking to myself, the trip would not be the same.

I know that having this procedure done will not change my thinking about food overnight, but I sure hope that it helps. I imagine that it will be like any recovering "addict" if you will. I'm sure that alcoholics think about a drink every now and then, and I'm ok with that.

Changes are a Coming! (originally posted 5/7/2011)

Surgery is only 5 days away! I am at a much better place now with this, than I was earlier this week. Earlier this week and last week I was a lot more hesitant about this and questioning my decision to get the Lap-Band more than ever. Now I am just pure EXCITED! I cannot wait for my new life to start. I truly believe that the Lap-Band is just going to be a tool to give me that push I need to lose weight, but I know that losing weight is going to change my life. Hopefully not change ME too much, but my outlook on life, and what I am able to achieve. While my goal is to stay as true to myself as much as possible, I am fully expecting some changes with me and my personality. The main purpose for the surgery is to be healthy and not be set up for co-morbidities in the future, and most of all, to start a family and have a beautiful healthy baby someday soon. But lets face it, the other perks that will come with it will be nice too. I know some people that have told me they know someone who has either had gastric bypass or the band and they say, "Boy have they changed." Some have a newfound abundantly clear confidence, and some have even left their marriages. While I don't for see anything this drastic occurring to me, I would like to point out now, that I think it is ok to "change" some things in our lives. For once we are able to "live" the life we have been wanting. While I don't plan on my band assisting me in becoming a millionaire, I do plan on strutting my new bad self in a HOT pair of pumps......

Jimmy Choo 'Cosmic' Snake Embossed Platform maybe they won't be real Jimmy Choo's, but you get the picture. I can't stand it when people judge others that have lost weight, especially with WLS. Yes some things deserve to get judged, like leaving your husband, but who are we to say that the marriage wasn't strained  to begin with? Everyone is automatically going to say, "Look at her looking all hot now, she thinks she can do better." So that means that's the reason she left her husband? I don't care if people want to judge me. I just hope they have the balls to come to me and ask me why I all of a sudden have more pep in my step. Its because I will finally be able to "Be on the outside, what I have ALWAYS felt on the inside"....they just never knew about it because I could never express myself that way at 287 pounds.

This post was originally going to be about something entirely different, and I guess I just felt like talking about what was on my mind at the moment. So, I guess you'll have to stay tuned......

I also want to wish all you mothers out there a VERY HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!


                                               Happy Mother's Day

Sighhhhhhh....oh how I wish for.... (originally posted 5/10/2011)

Thats right folks, a CHIMICHANGA! I am on my second day of liquids/protein only diet and one of these bad boys popped into my head. I have put myself on my own little diet before surgery on Thursday as my surgeon does not require one, and it hasn't been too bad. I drink my less than favorite protein drink in the morning (just to get it over with), and then my favorite one (if there really could be a favorite) for lunch. Then for dinner last night I had some roasted chicken, fresh green beans, and a little bit of cottage cheese. Surprisingly, I am looking forward to this again tonight for dinner. After having only shakes during the day, I think I would look forward to anything for dinner with some substance.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can (originally posted 5/10/2011)

I think I am about as prepared as I can be for this Thursday. As you can see above, I followed my surgeons list just about to the T, along with many suggestions from my fellow bloggers. Let me explain what I have listed above (and please let me know if you think I need anything else that may be useful)...
* Up front you will see The Beck Diet Solution book-I have read on several blogs this book is great to help with the "thinking" part of changing our diets and how to adapt
* Along with the book I have a journal in which I will write down how much I'm eating, calorie/protein count, and in general how I am feeling while and after eating.
* To the right of the book is my refresher kit for my desk at work for any PB incidents that may occur later on (toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, Listerine strips)
* I also have the GasX strips for after surgery
* Over to the back right-hand side of the picture is my PB kit. I have Wet-Ones for my desk at work, Wet-Ones singles for my purse, and Cottonelle wipes for the truck; along with small trash bags in case it is more of a spit-up/throw up, than a little PB. Oh, and I can't forget the Kleenex in case I have any of the PB'ing through the nose like our friend Amy :)
* Right in the middle of the picture is my bottle of liquid Tylenol for pain after surgery (keep your fingers crossed this is all I need as I am allergic to the liquid Vicodin the surgeons prescribe)
* In the back middle is my Blender Bottle (love this invention to help mix the protein powder), and my Dixie cups to help control my serving size. My surgeon recommends only 2 oz every 30 minutes
* The back left contains my protein powders, EAS and Nectar. On top of the protein powder you will see a container like thingy. This is something I thought of that will be easy to transport my protein powder. It is one of those baby formula containers. It has three sections, and each section holds 1 scoop of protein powder perfectly.
* In front of the protein powders is one of my broths, some Jello and sugar-free popsicles.
* In the front left of the picture are my Flinstone vitamins, some measuring cups and tupperware containers that are 1 cup serving sizes.

I think that about does it. I couldn't really think of anything else. PLEASE let me know if you have any tips on anything that will help this process. Surgery on THURSDAY! So excited to finally start this process.

*** Thank you Amanda for pointing out that I have not really given a shout out to all of you commenting on my posts.... I LOVE the feedback I get from everyone. All of the advice and words of encouragement are so helpful. Sometimes I just forget to respond because I am so deep in thought about what I am writing about in my Blog :) So again, thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment, (you too MandaPanda)...and keep them coming. I'll need all of the support I can get; especially once I am banded in just a little over 1 day from now! ***

It was as if I was never going to eat again (originally posted 5/11/2011)

I went to Lou's Burgers (an old fashion drive-up burger joint). I ate a cheeseburger. And two onion rings.

After just two days on my protein drinks my stomach definitely did not agree with the cheeseburger and onion rings. And yes, now I will give the myriad excuses I have for eating this meal. Yesterday at work I was fine all day long, just drinking my protein shakes. Then I and my co-worker started talking about food and what sounded really good to us. Chili cheese dogs came up, then corn dogs, then that spiraled into Hot Dog on a Stick, which turned into cheese on a stick. I all of a sudden forgot about my lovely chicken, green beans, and cottage cheese waiting for me at home (which by the way, I had been looking forward to all day!). All I could think about was how I was going to get from work, to seeing my grandma, then all the way back to the other side of town for Hot Dog on a Stick. After some sensible thinking, I realized it would be a waste of gas, and way too far out of my way, so the thought was tucked under the rug....until another idea popped up. After seeing grandma, on the way home would be one of my favorite places EVER, Lou's Burgers. I rationalized with myself that technically I would not be breaking any rules. My surgeon never put me on a pre-surgery diet and they just said to eat lightly the day before surgery. So, I stopped and got the damn cheeseburger and onion rings. And get this, I don't usually even eat onion rings! I have had them maybe a total of 10 times in my ENTIRE LIFE! I felt like the TazManian Devil. I just had to get my hands on whatever food I could, for fear of never being able to eat again. So, I got home and settled in for my "Last Meal." The first couple bites of the cheeseburger were delicious! Then I had one onion ring, not so bad. Couple more bites of burger. Then one more onion ring. At this point I was a little proud of myself. I decided that these beloved onion rings were not worth the calories. They were ok, but like I said before, I don't really ever eat onion rings, and I was ok with leaving them behind. So, back to the cheeseburger. I polished it off, and instantly felt my stomach begin to turn. You know, the kind where you are doubled over with cramping. Off to race to the restroom I was. Well, I'll leave the next part out, but it was not pretty my friends.

I guess the moral of this post is that this is the perfect example of why I need the band. I hopefully will no longer have as much of a craving for these foods if I stick to the plan early on, and rid my body of the all the carbs/sugars that are no good for me. And when I do feel like a burger, I most likely will not be able to have the bun, and then I will only be able to have a couple of bites.

I felt SO GUILTY after I ate it too. I still have not told my husband I ate this last night either (he was at a business seminar). And again, while I did not have any specific instructions from my surgeon that this was not allowed, I knew I shouldn't have done it. And if I feel that horrible before surgery, I know I should be set up for success afterwards!

A New Life (originally posted 5/13/2011)

Today is the day folks! The day I have been waiting for, for what seems like FOREVER! And now I'm not so sure I'm ready. Weird, right? Last night I had a little break-down. I cried to my husband saying it was my last night as "me." Even though I am the one that has been assuring him I will still be the same person, just looking how I did when we first met. I have a picture of us as my desktop, and when I just came in to do this post I couldn't help but smile at the woman looking back at me. I have become so used to that chubby face that I can't imagine it being any different. I know it will be a change that I welcome, I just hope I get used to it fast. I really am talking like I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and not recognize myself. I try to keep telling myself it is a gradual weight loss. You don't go from 287 to 160 overnight!

Talk to you all next time as an official bandster!

PAIN (originally posted 5/14/2011)

There is just no other word that comes to mind right now. I am 3 days post-surgery and still in pain. A lot of pain. The surgery went good. They did find a hiatal hernia which was corrected during the procedure. Once in recovery, I was able to get on my feet fine. Came home and was out for about 3 hours. Then sat in recliner on couch. Couldn't get comfortable for the life of me. Took my Tylenol which didn't seem to help with the pain at all. By 6pm I was crying so bad, because I hurt. Finally by 2am I could no longer stand, sit, lay, or be in any position at all that did not cause excruciating pain. My husband took me to ER and within 5 minutes of walking in the door they had my IV in and medication going. After CTs and xrays they saw nothing out of sorts. The DR was kinda a jerk. He asked what was hurting. I explained my whole upper stomach area (duh, where most of the surgery takes place), and my back was hurting. He said what I was telling him did not make sense. OK, whatever. After a little more pain meds they sent me home. Again I was able to rest for a little bit without pain. By this time my surgeons office called as they had been contacted by the ER. They wanted me to come in. The PA looked me over and said she didn't feel any swelling and all of my wounds looked great. I just explained that the Tylenol was not enough for me. She prescribed a vicodin like substitute narcotic that I would have to crush to take. I told her anything would work. She then asked if I had any other questions and I said my throat hurt a little bit. She said that the anesthesiologist had a hard time incubating me because I have a small mouth. He nicked my vocal cords a couple of times. Nice, right? So the hubby drops me off at home and goes to fill the medication. I get a call from him a short while later explaining no-one has this drug on hand and it will be 3 days before it can be filled. WHAT!?!?! I call my PA back and she called the pharmacy directly for another medication. After about 3 hours of driving all around town, Matt comes home with the medication. We crush it into powder and put it in sugar-free jello. The nastiest tasting thing ever. I manage to get it down and was able to relax for a while. Sure enough come around 1am, same thing. Excruciating back pain. I had been up and walking so I wasn't sitting forever, but I tweaked my back somehow. Back to the ER we go, except a different hospital. Yeah, after waiting in the crazy busy lobby for 45 minutes in unbearable pain, I guess I started to doze off and the spasms went away. We walked out and came back home. Matt suggested I try getting in bed this time. It actually worked and felt ok. I was able to sleep for 4 hours straight. Today has been a little better, that was until Aunt Flo decided to visit. So on top of everything now I have to deal with this. I just feel blah. Back hurts within 2 hours of being in same position. Everytime I burp the gas pain rockets to my shoulder and my back. When will the pain end? I thought by the 3rd day things were much better. I am praying for GOD to get me through this tough stage. I just want to get better and up on my feet.

Poop (originally posted 5/15/2011)

There really is no other way around this topic than to approach it with the utmost classiness one could muster: "When were you able to first go poop?" Did that work? Well, I tried! I was able to go right before surgery (nerves got to me) which was early Thursday morning, and I haven't gone since. I realize I don't have anything really in my stomach to help this along, but doesn't the body naturally react at some point? I have had the feeling like I need to go, but I don't know if this is just the left over gas in my body, or the bloating I am feeling from my period. How long should I go before starting to worry? I will call my Drs. office in the morning, but I would really love to go today if possible.

I had another rough night last night. It seems like between the hours of 1am-3am have been my roughest EVERY day since surgery. This must be my "witching" hour, I don't know. I had my back pain throughout the day yesterday and was finally able to ease it around 6pm. I decided to lay in bed (this has been most comfortable for my back) and fell asleep from around 7pm until 10pm. So of course, I decided to get out of bed at 10 rather than try to fall back asleep since Matt was still up. So I went into the family room, we watched a little TV, and then back to bed around 11:30pm or so. We were laying in bed watching some TV when all of a sudden I felt an extreme burning sensation in my stomach. It was like heartburn, but in my stomach. I was like, great, here we go again. No position felt comfortable. I finally made it to the car in the garage, hoping the cool leather of the seats would make me feel better. (I was pulling everything out of my pockets). Sure enough, I was able to fall asleep in the car for about 45 min. Then the feeling came back. I got out of the car and back into the house, and tried laying in bed again. It was a no go. The shower was next. I actually sat in the bathtub with the hot water spraying my stomach. That only lasted about 5 min. Out of the shower, back into bed. NOPE! Nothing was working. It was like a wave that would start in my stomach and then make its way up towards my chest. Then it would calm down, and start in my stomach again. With each wave, I would get very clammy, hot, and irritable. Finally I layed in bed, closed my eyes, (still burning in my stomach), and just prayed to GOD over and over again to let me just fall asleep. I am not a very religious person, so when I pull out the prayers, it is usually for a VERY good cause. I was rocking back and forth for about another hour and then GOD answered my prayer and I must have finally fallen asleep. I woke up this morning feeling better than I ever have...well since surgery of course. So, I am keeping my fingers crossed that today is a good day and stays how I feel right now.

Thank you again to everyone reading my blog and means a lot to me. Don't forget to respond about the pooping. A girls gotta poop, right ?!?!?!

Poop...part 2 (originally posted 5/17/2011)

We have accomplished what we came to accomplish people, and in a big way! Sure enough Sunday night I was able to poop! I was so excited, yet a little confused. Mostly everyone I have to talked to or read about had constipation, and lets just say mine was the EXACT opposite. Without going into too much detail, lets just say I'm glad I did not go get any stool softeners or fiber. I have gone each day since with no problems. Yay for poop!

Now onto more pleasant topics...I am feeling so much better physically. I have been able to sleep through the past two nights for about 5-6 hours. My stomach does this nonstop grumbling though, and it wakes me up. I don't think I am getting enough of my protein powder in during the day, so I am focusing on that for today, and hopefully I won't wake up hungry. I have a lot of energy and have been walking a ton. Yesterday I went outside and helped sweep up the grass clippings as Matt was doing the yard work. It felt good to get outside and get some fresh air.

I wanted to ask you all a question though...I can't stand the word that starts with a "D"; you know, when your down and out, sad, start crying randomly. Well, this started happening to me yesterday. I felt lonely (even though my husband has been with me since surgery), and just sad. Mostly sad that I can't eat, but also just bored/tired of everything. After I am 100% feeling better, I feel like I will never want to see my bed, shower, or couch again in my life. I spend ALL OF MY TIME in one of these three places. With being in pain so much the first couple of days, and still dealing with back pain, I was taking up to 4 showers a day. Then I would lay in bed to try to feel comfortable, and if  not there, it was to the couch I go. Anyways, my husband realized a change in me yesterday and decided he had to get me out of the house. I didn't feel like getting dressed, so he basically dragged me out in my sweatpants, and sweatshirt (with no bra mind you). I didn't know where we were going, and just stared out my truck window. We finally arrived at the mall. He said it would be good to just walk around a little, and if I didn't feel like walking, I could just sit there and watch the people go by. I did feel like walking, so away we went. I made it quite far actually before feeling tired. Then we got to the food court. Are you kidding me? You know the smells that come out of that place? And while I wasn't physically hungry, I wanted "something." So over to Carls Jr. we went. I had to do it, I needed to get something. I had a great big .... Minute Maid light Lemonade! I was so proud of myself. I haven't really been tempted to eat anything at this point, I know better, but those burgers sure smelt good. Not to mention the other glorious choices of Hot Dog on a Stick (remember my post from a couple days ago?) and the wonderfully great Panda Express. So I sat, and sipped my Lemonade. I felt a little bit better, and we headed back into the mall to walk back the way we came to the car. By the time we got home I did feel a little bit better. Today Matt had to go back to work though. I am doing ok so far, but I can't imagine how I am going to spend the next week and a half. I am tired of reading, watching TV, crossword puzzles, and laying down. I think I may venture to my grandmas skilled nursing home today and see her for awhile. She has been in the hospital since Feb. 28th, and is doing terrific. She was on a feeding tube, and unable to eat anything until a couple of days ago when she had surgery on the same day as me. I am so proud of her and all of her strength. I try to remind myself of what she has had to go through, and I can only get stronger by seeing her. So that is what is on the agenda for today.

Back to my original question: How did you deal with any boredom, or sadness you felt? Or am I the only one feeling this way?

Hope all of you are having a great day!

Food never tasted so good! (originally posted 5/19/2011)

Thats right people, I am eating mushies! I am soooo excited. Yesterday I had my post-op visit. My stomach felt good to my PA assistant (Kylie), and she said my wounds are healing great. She approved me for my first step of mushies which is 1/4 cup per meal, 3 times a day with protein drinks in-between meals. My first meal yesterday was cottage cheese. It was good, but took me longer than I anticipated it taking to eat it. Kylie said everything should take aprox. 30 min to eat, and it took me 45 min. I guess I just wanted to be extra conscious about it. Then for dinner last night I had 1/4 cup tuna with 1 tsp. light mayo. It was pretty good, but a little dry for me. Which goes into my first problem I am noticing. I have been ok with the rules set out for me by my Dr., but the one thing that I am starting to notice is that is VERY hard for me to obey the no drinking while you eat. While I ate the tuna last night, I was dying for just a sip of water. While yes, I wanted it partially to help the tuna go down (which is the reason they don't want you drinking while eating), more importantly it was just because my mouth was dry. But I stuck to the rules and did not even have a sip. So then I finished the tuna, and went to pick up my baby cup (dixie cup) of water and remembered I am supposed to wait 30 min after eating to drink. This just was not going to happen. While I wanted to chug my whole 2 oz of water at once, I was good and just took one itty bitty sip, which did help a little. I have noticed within the past two days I am extremely thirsty. I don't want to get dehydrated, but want to stick to the rules and what is best for my band and stomach right now. There is nothing I would rather do more than go into the fridge and chug a whole diet Snapple though.

This morning for breakfast I had 1/4 cup scrambled eggs, with a sprinkle of shredded cheese, and a drop of salsa. So Yummy! I love pictures, so here is a picture of my breakfast...

Again, I really wanted something to drink, but I am watching the clock diligently and am waiting the 30 min. I am a little worried about how I am going to get in all of my protein that is being recommended. Kylie is telling me I will eat breakfast, drink a protein shake before lunch, lunch, then another protein shake, and then dinner. I was barely even getting in 2 protein shakes a day before I was even eating food. And this little amount of food, is really filling for me. Last night after my tuna, which I ate around 6:30pm I was thirsty. So I had 2oz after my 30 min. was up. And then I wanted another 2oz around 8pm. After that final 2oz, I could definitely feel the effects. My stomach was way over full. But I was SOOOO thirsty! I guess it is just something I will have to get use to and gauge. It is going to be the hardest thing for me I think in this journey. I haven't thought about wanting a soda even once. Or even any food that I know I shouldn't have. Sure, certain things sound good, or smell good, but to actually want to eat it hasn't happened yet. I know I am still early in the process, but I am happy with how things are going so far.

I am nearly 100% pain free now. Still having minor back pain towards the middle of the day. I am down to one dose of the liquid Tylenol a day for it though. About an hour before bed I could probably use a second dose, but I just lay on my tummy with a heating pad on my back and this seems to help until I can get comfortable enough to go to bed. Then I wake up fine, again until maybe the middle of the day. Crossing my fingers that maybe today will be different and won't have any back pain at all!

I have been debating what my official weigh in day will be for me. I think it will be Thursday since I had my surgery one week ago today. I know a lot of the first couple of weeks of loss is due to water loss, and just plain not eating for the first week, but here is what the scale looked like this morning...
Down 12.5 lbs in 1 week! I am very excited, but know not to expect this every week of course. It is a great jump start though, and encouraging to see. I am going to try very hard not to weigh in daily, and only on Thursdays.

I seem to be doing better as far as my mood goes. I think this past Monday was just "one of those days." I am feeling much better. Yesterday after my Dr. appt. I stopped by to see grandma at her skilled nursing home. She is doing so good. I hadn't been there but a couple of minutes when they wanted to take her down to a room for a skill building exercise. I asked if I could come along and they said that was fine. Her and 4 other older patients (all in wheelchairs) sat around a large table and made grilled cheese sandwiches. They had a little electric skillet, and took turns "manning the grill" while the others buttered the bread and put the cheese on. It was really good to see her able to do this. It was even better to see her able to take her first bite of a grilled cheese sandwich. After seeing her on her feeding tube for so long now, and after so many prayers for her to get better, it was truly gratifying to see her able to enjoy her sandwich. No plans on her coming home yet, they want her off of the feeding tube completely (right now they are doing half real food, half of the time on the feeding tube), before she comes home. It shouldn't be long though.

Well, I think thats about it for now. Thank you again for reading and commenting! I am reading some of your blogs now; taking me a little bit as I like to start at the beginning. I can't wait to catch up and start commenting on your posts! Have a great Friday Eve everyone.

Now What? (originally posted 5/22/2011)

I have officially been pain-free (back and all) for 3 days straight! I am so excited! I wouldn't say I am 100% back to normal yet. I have been able to sleep on my stomach since night 3 but it is still slow going to switch sides and roll over. Other than that though, no other discomforts. I learned a lesson last night as far as being prepared in the food (nourishment) department goes. My husbands really good friend just had a baby and his wife graduated from college yesterday. So they were having a little get together at their house. My husband wasn't going to be off work until around 5pm, which in my husbands world could be anywhere between 4pm and 7pm. I didn't want to eat my dinner (all 2oz you know!) at like 5pm before we left, so I waited. I wasn't really that hungry, so I didn't think about it. My husband finally walked in the door at around 6:15pm and was ready within 5 min to go. So, I grabbed my Blender Bottle with my protein drink in it and thought I would be fine. Boy was I wrong! We hadn't been planning on staying long, but saw an old friend we hadn't seen in awhile, and before we knew it was 9pm! I was STARVING! By the time we got home it was 9:30 and then the debate came as to whether I should still eat or just wait until morning. We planned on staying up late, so there was no way I could wait until breakfast. So I had my 2oz (1/4 cup) of refried beans and a little egg salad. I finally went to bed around midnight. I felt ok this morning, but realized my stomach was a little upset. So, I have learned my first real lesson with this band. I must be prepared! Today I will have the chance to put this newfound lesson into action. My sister is having a BBQ at her new place around 3pm. I will have my lunch before I leave around 1pm like usual. I will drink my protein next, and then take with me my "dinner." Since there will be all of this fabulous BBQ food I can't eat, I decided to go to the store to get the fixings for my own little seven layer dip. I have the bean dip, light sour cream, guacamole (which I can't stand by the way, but know its good for me, so hopefully mixed with everything will be able to stand), a light chipotle mayo sauce, minced olives, and shredded cheese. Ok, so its only 6 layers, but good enough. I would regularly put green onions on the top, but don't know if that would be pushing it at this point. And of course I will be enjoying this wonderful meal with a fork rather than those nasty things called chips... :(

Yesterday I had my first little minor upset about my self-image. I know it is CRAZY to expect any real changes yet, but I have to admit, I was hoping my pants would be a little looser yesterday. It was the first night I have put on jeans since surgery, and after losing almost 13 lbs. I expected them to feel a little different. I wasn't expecting any BIG changes, but somehow it got my spirits down a little. I just have to remember that I am grateful for this process, no matter how slow things may take. I didn't gain an excess of 120lbs over night (although it does seem like it crept up on me), so it is not going to fall off over night.

I am a little sad I have to wait a total of 8 weeks before my first fill. My next check up is in 2 1/2 weeks, when hopefully I will be taken off of mushies and moved to regular foods. Then I have to do that for 3 weeks before the next appt. which should be my fill. I asked my PA (Kylie) how their office works with fills, like can I just request one, or do they go by a schedule. All I could really get out of her was that the first one isn't until 8 weeks after surgery. I guess I don't have a say in the matter, and am doing fine now. No need to rush things at this point. My 1/4 cup of food really is filling me up. My "drinking" issue has gotten a little better. I am still really thirsty, but I have broken my first rule. There is no way I can stick to the whole 2oz of fluid every 30 min. Sometimes, I just have to have more. My stomach hasn't felt upset over this, and I don't over due it. I have this really yummy Powerade Light that tastes so refreshing right out of the bottle out of the cold fridge. I occasionally ( least once an hour), go to the fridge and take a good swig. While its not as long of a drink as I would like (feel like I could chug half the bottle in one drink), it is well past the 2oz. If this is the worst thing I am doing, then so be it.

Hope everyone is enjoying the end of their weekend. It is slightly cloudy here in Sacramento,Ca. but still a very nice day for a BBQ! I may take some pictures at the BBQ. We'll see how camera shy I am.

What a Week! (originally posted 5/29/2011)

This is one of the posts I decided to delete. It got a little too personal and ended up being way too long. It mainly talked about how Matts grandma finally came home from being in the hospital since 2/28/2011 and how his grandpa took a turn for the worse and ended up in the hospital.

 A summary of sorts (originally posted 6/6/2011)

I really need to do this more often. If I wait too long; then I have wayyyyyy too long of a post which most likely results in less people reading. And who wants less people reading.....not me! So, I will try to sum up this last week as best as possible. First of all; the non-banded related information: for all you movie not waste your money and see Hangover II-so not worth it. I LOVED the first one, and can hardly think of more than 2 little parts that I actually laughed at in this one. It was actually over the top raunchiness. Now a movie you must see.....
Seriously, one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. And I don't think I have ever seen any of these actresses before. I could not stop laughing. I will admit that most of the crowd in the theatre were women, but there were a couple of men in there that were laughing just as much as the women were. I am still trying to get the hubby to go see it because I want to go see it again sooooo bad. HILARIOUS!!!!

Now, onto even more serious and even less exciting news. BAND NEWS! I'm not sure how I feel about this band. Even though the band isn't "technically" doing anything for me right now (won't have my first fill for about 4 more weeks), I feel like I am already at odds with it. I will note that on my Thursday weigh in this past week I lost another 3 lbs. I am very excited about this, but I feel like I am already "tired" of this band and my new lifestyle. I think I may have entered Bandster Hell. While I don't "feel" hungry, I just want to eat. Like I used to before the band. I have to have serious debates with myself about if I should or shouldn't eat a certain something. Yes, I should still be on mushies (go to solids this Friday), but I have cheated a couple of times. Everything is going down fine (again, probably because I am not filled yet), and I am finding it hard to keep to just mushies. Granted, I am in no way of sorts eating like I used to, or even close to it, but I still feel guilty. The other night I made my husband some fried shrimp, I ate 2. I have had 1 piece of pizza. Tonight I ate 1 cheese enchilada with a little bit of beans. I know these choices are not the best for me, but I find myself in a scramble to find something that sounds good. Exactly the thinking I had before surgery. And I don't want it to get out of control. I know I have not gone overboard, but I really need to stick to the rules and eat protein rich, healthy items.

Now, onto some things I am proud of. My first week back to work was rough, but I knew I had to make some changes to assist in my weight loss. I sit on my toosh (yeah, don't know how to spell that one), 8 hrs a day at work in front of a computer. So, I knew I had to get moving a little bit. I have made a goal of not using the elevator at work. Now, I only work on the second floor, but let me tell you. Those two floors of steps are VERY steep! I am proud to say, I have not used the elevator once since being back to work! Another goal I have made is to walk during my breaks/lunch. I was really good last week and walked during at least one of my 15 min breaks, and then during my lunch for 20 mins. Today I did not do too good. I stayed at my computer during lunch doing some research online and talking to the hubby on the phone. Usually I would talk to him on my cell while walking, but the cellie cell is broke :( 
I am going to try to think of a new goal once a week. This week I will focus on taking my multi-vitamin 2 times a day. I am usually good about taking my morning dose, but forget the evening pill.  And of course I will keep up with the two previous goals.

Closing thoughts: While I may be "tired" of this band thing right now, I know it still has much more in store for me, I have barely just begun. And for this I am excited :)

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly (originally posted 6/17/2011)

So, I'm gonna do this a little backwards and start with The Ugly, The Bad, and then The Good...So that I don't make this a total Debbie Downer post I will give a positive thought or recourse action to each "Ugly" and "Bad" posted.
The Ugly:
  • I haven't lost any weight in aprox. 2 weeks
I am going to start logging my food; concentrating on protein and calorie counts. I know why I haven't lost any weight and plan to start correcting this per everything else listed in The Ugly and The Bad categories.
  • I haven't started an exercise program
I was walking at work during my morning break and lunch, but lets face it; its just too darn hot now. When I leave for work in the morning at 6am it is 73degrees! I will start utilizing my treadmill at home with the oscillating fan flowing freely at will just 2 feet from my face, use the free OnDemand exercise programs on TV that must be part of my outrageously high $160 cable/phone/internet bill, and rummage through all of my purses to locate my dusty, once used a long time ago, gym membership card.
  • I eat whatever I want
Thats right. I said it. I eat anything and everything I want (However I don't eat as much as I used to. I had serious weak spot...and instead of the traditional 4 slices, I had 2). I don't like excuses (especially when you have had surgery to assist you in this), but lets give credit where credit is do. I am in Bandster H E (double sticks) folks. And the band essentially doesn't stick a roaring arm out of your stomach and knock the bad food out of your hand as it makes its way to your pie hole. So, I am going to clean out the fridge and cabinets this weekend and get rid of the junk, and start really planning my meals. I have been eating out too much and need to learn how to cook. Anyone know of any good recipe sites?

The Bad:
  • I seem to have a self-conscious issue with going to the gym (sound familiar anyone?)
Do you ever notice the people around you when you're at the gym? Of course you do; don't lie! You are checking everyone out. I always seem to be the largest person there. It makes me feel like everyone is looking at me saying, "Look at chubby trying to work out." Everyone is so fit. I was going to the gym pretty religiously about 2 years ago while I was getting ready for my wedding. I went with my mom which made it easier to commit to. Then my friend got me started with Zumba. I liked it at first, but then I just felt uncomfortable. There are some die hard chicks in there! And with my social issues, it always seemed too crowded, too hot, and I could never get the steps down. So, I quit going after about 3 attempts. Its one of those things where I know I would enjoy it more if I were more fit and there weren't so many people. You would think the gym would be filled to the brim with heavier people trying to get healthy. Isn't that what a gym is for? I get it that this is how all the thin people stay thin, but still, you would think there would be more of us. I guess I have to give a positive, right? Well, I will start going back to the gym. This is a huge one for me. Mainly because of the self-conscious thing. But, I will never feel better about myself unless I start working out, getting healthy, and losing weight...right? So, I think I will start small with going twice during the week and on both Saturday and Sunday. I will put together a workout plan this weekend and get more into detail about that on a later post.
  • I haven't had any of my protein drinks in over a week
A little over a week ago I started to feel kind of nauseous in the mornings while drinking my protein shake. I tried one I hadn't had since surgery, but loved before surgery. Just 2oz into it, I started gagging because I thought it tasted so bad. For the rest of the day I couldn't eat or drink anything at all. I just felt sick to my stomach. So, the next day I went back to the one that I had been having since surgery. The unflavored kind that I would just mix with Crystal Light. I LOVE this one. Yep; it was a no go. Again, felt totally sick. So after two days in a row, I just didn't want to try it again. I let Kylie (my surgeons PA) know this on my next appointment, and she said she really wanted me to try it again. It is important to get all of my protein in and they really believe in the protein supplements inbetween meals. The girl at the front desk told me try the pre-mixed bottles of IsoPure, that she even drinks them just because. So, this is my next goal. I will pick up a few of these to try out, and hopefully get back on the protein bandwagon.
  • I can't remember the last time I took my multi-vitamin
I used to be really good about taking my vitamin twice a day like I am supposed to before I went back to work. Then, I would just get busy and forget. I plan on fixing this by putting my vitamins on my desk and leaving them at work. When I fill up my water cup in the mornings, they will be sitting right there, and I will practically have to knock them down. This should be an easy fix.
  • My house is a wreck
This one is non-band related, but really, it is a mess! We have still been busy with my husbands grandparents and it seems like things just get out of hand, and fast! This morning when I went to take a shower I realized I did not have a clean towel. Seriously! Not one freaking towel. My options were to use a dish towel from the kitchen for my whole body, or to use a bed sheet. I chose the bed sheet. Really, who does that? I did folks. So needless to say, as soon as I am done with my blog here I will be doing my first of probably 10 loads of laundry so we don't run into the same situation tomorrow morning. Then after the fun of that wears off, tomorrow will be the kitchen clean-up including fridge and cabinet junk cleanout, and cleaning up the living room which includes the coffee table with paper, mail and other misc items piled up at least 3feet tall. Oh, and I almost forgot. I will probably be the one to mow the lawn since Matt works tomorrow. This means I will have to get up at aprox 7am if I want to make it before it hits 90 degrees. If we let this go any longer we will probably get a notice from the county that our neighbors are complaining about how "unkempt" our yard is. (They like to complain about EVERYTHING! And by the way, we have the nicest  and most up kept house on the street!)

The Good:
  • To my devoted followers that actually have an interest in what I say, I am still here and devoted to my blog! YAY.
  • Even though I have a lot of soul searching to do and some very important layed out plans to address (per The Ugly and The Bad listed above), I am excited about the future and have a new-found motivation which was much needed.
  • I get my first fill on 7/7/11-Give me a high five folks!
  • I have used the stairs EVERY time at work per my previous goal
  • I am registering in a 5K run for October 8th this year. (Will have a separate post dedicated to this alone later this week)
  • I got the hubby to go see Bridesmaids with me; and get this.....he LOVED it! (Even though I don't think he would admit this to many people)
  • It's FRIDAY!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Thursday Weigh In.....and other stuff! (originally posted 6/28/2011)


I am so happy about seeing the scale finally start moving again. I thought the days of 269-270 were here to stay. SO excited to see 268! Now I have to admit, I weighed myself about 6 times and took the average. Tell me you don't do this too. I got on the scale (after using the restroom) like always, and there was only a .5 difference. I knew this couldn't be correct because last night I weighed even less, and so I've been told you usually weigh less in the morning. So, I hopped on again and got a different reading. At one point it even gave me a crazy number of 265! My new rule is that I have to see the same number at least twice in a row to take it. So, this is how I end up with 268.

While very excited about this, I am still feeling a little frustrated with myself. I didn't accomplish nearly what I said I would on my last post. Lets go over the checklist....

  1. I am going to start logging my food- For some reason I talked myself into believing that keeping track in my head counts. Yeah, not so much. I need to hold myself accountable. Thus, this will be a goal that will progress to this upcoming week.
  2. Something about locating a gym membership card and looking into the ONDemand exercise programs and using the treadmill at home- Yeah, this was a no, no and um no. I hate excuses, so I'm not going to give them. I will work diligently on removing the clothes from the treadmill which have taken up residence for the past year, and devote myself to rummaging for the gym card tonight.
  3. Clean out the fridge and cabinets of the junk and stick to a meal plan- I'm gonna give myself credit for this one. I did clean out the fridge and cabinets, but did not purge "all" of the junky foods. I feel it not fair to punish my husband because I can't stop myself from eating naughty. But I have learned to stay away from these foods this past week. And we did make up a fairly healthy menu for the week, and bought the groceries based off of that list. We stayed to the meal plan which is a big plus in my book. Yay!
  4. Get over the self-conscious issue with the gym and just go-Yeah, I think I adressed this one earlier. Going to look for said gym membership card.
  5. Purchase and try different protein drinks-This one is also a no. I do have an excuse for this one. But I feel it is a valid one. Not just a, I didn't feel like it excuse. I don't have the money. Plain and simple. I don't have the extra funds to go buy these pre-made drinks which are like $4 for one drink. So, this will have to wait until payday tomorrow.
  6. Multi-Vitamins-I will give myself half-credit for this one. I have been better about taking them, still not regularly though. I put them out on my desk this morning as my reminder.
  7. My house is a wreck-Again, another half credit. I did about 4 loads of laundry which really helped out. I had cleaned out the fridge and cabinets and did the dishes. Still need to pick up the coffee table and the other knick knack crap that hangs out in the living room. Also need to swiffer the floors and then clean. Oh, I almost forgot the dreaded bathroom as well. Tonight I am dedicating myself to some exercise, so this one will have to wait until tomorrow. Hey, at least its on the list right?
I am still taking the stairs at work every trip, and my wedding rings are officially too big to wear safely. I am very excited about these NSV's and look forward to going in the right direction with the above listed. Happy day to everyone!

What is Normal? (originally posted 7/2/2011)

This past Thursday I stayed even at 268lbs. I truely feel deep down that this was a blessing as I had the worst TOM known to all women. It literally felt like my uterus was going to fall out of me for four days straight (at least what I would imagine your uterus falling out of you would feel like). I ate awful, was bloated, and felt like crap all week. So, all things considering, I am pretty happy. Of course this meant I didn't get done nearly all that I wanted to for my goals. I guess all I can do is move forward. Right?

Speaking of moving forward. I am starting to feel like I don't even know what it is like to be banded. Of course it is in my mind constantly, but as far as eating goes, and the scale, I start to get discouraged. For years I have been struggling with what I eat and what the scale says, and it just feels like I am right back to where I was before surgery. Granted, yes, I have lost almost 20 lbs., and for this I am very greatful, but I feel like I did before. Looking in the mirror constantly for the slightest glimpse of a change, stepping on the scale at least 2 times a day, trying to figure out what hides the fat best when picking out my outfit for the day. I knew the LapBand was not going to be a miracle cure, but I do feel like I expected more. I expected to feel how I felt the first 3 weeks after surgery to last at least a year. Not as far as the pain and recovery go, but the mindset about everything. Taking sips, measuring every meal into 1/2 cup portions, drinking protein drinks in between meals, eating protein rich foods, limiting carbs. While I do feel I am following some of these rules, I am not doing nearly what I am supposed to. I still do not drink soda, and don't eat as much as I used to, but my food choices are not the best. I seem to do really good during the week at work, and then when I get home at night and the weekends, I let it all go it seems. I know I still have a lot of learning to do, and I just hope it comes sooner than later.

Which leads me to a question for my followers out there. Did any of you feel this way during the beginning stages of being banded? Will I get better once I have my first fill? That is my major hope right now, and kind of what I am holding out for. I hope that this is just what everyone felt during Bandster Hell, and that it does get better and easier to manage with the fills. My appointment is this next Thursday and I cannot wait! I know I am going to sound crazy to all of you with my next statement but, I cannot wait to have a PB! At least then I will know what my limits are and that I even have this thing in me. I know I am not doing everything I am supposed to be doing right now, so I have some major adjusting to do.  I am not giving up on my band, I know I am just going through a tough period of what I am sure will be many more to come in my journey with the Lap-Band.

Hope everyone has a safe and great 4th of July!

I did it...and I'm sore! (originally posted 7/5/2011)

I exercised my people. I actually exercised. Awhile ago I mentioned that I am going to sign up for a 5k in October. I feel this is the best way to get me motivated to exercise and lose some of this weight. I can't rely on the band to do everything for me (lets face it, it isn't doing ANYTHING for me right now...first fill in two days!), and it will only hopefully speed the process up. So, yesterday I decided I would walk the full 5k (3.2 miles) and get my base time to work off of. Here are the results.....
Lets Get Physical! (originally posted 8/13/2011)

Today was day 2 of my CK5 training and I'm not gonna lie, it was easier than the first time! I was totally shocked. I thought it would take at least 5 times before it got "easier." I didn't sweat as much, my shin didn't hurt this time, and I didn't want to quit even once. I truly hope this isn't a fluke. I'll know tomorrow as it is day 3!

I am also excited to see what this does for weight loss. I have been in limbo with the same 2 lbs for awhile now. Currently I am in between 265-266.5 and have been for about 2-3 weeks. I have to stop weighing myself every day (ok, and at least 3 times a day). A bit much? I just can't help it. My second fill is on August 22nd and it can't come any sooner. I don't feel hardly any restriction...currently 3cc in 10cc band; and am excited to get that feeling of being fuller for longer. Right now, I try to keep my portions down, but know I could work on that as well. And the food choices need some help. Of course Rhonda (my band) can't really help with this part, but maybe she will let me know when something doesn't agree with me and I will learn not to even try it a second time. Everything is still pretty much will power at this point. I still feel like I am in Bandster Hell and right at 3 months post surgery. I just which my surgeons office was more lenient with the fills. They insist on 6 weeks in between fills. I wonder if this is hindering my weight loss as it is taking longer to get to restriction? Possibly, but I think that their hope is to truly change my lifestyle (what I eat, how much, exercise) rather than just rely on the band for weight loss. Hmmmmm, something to ponder I guess.

Today was a particularly lazy day, except for my CK5 walk/run this morning. My husband works on Saturdays, so theres not much to do. Tomorrow we are going to spend time with his family at grandmas house. We have been trying to spend more time with her since grandpa has passed. I am making a dinner of Chile Re llano Casserole, homemade beans, and Spanish rice. I won't have any of the rice (which will be really hard for me....I must say my Spanish rice is to die for!). I will have a good portion of the beans and a side of the Chile Re llano. The Chile Re llano is super band friendly with the 3 main ingredients being eggs, cheese, and the chile's, but not so friendly on the calorie count, that's for sure. Hope everyone is having a great weekend! Enjoy it while it lasts.

** This was the last post I made on my old blog. I know, quite a dry spell! I am hoping and have Faith that this time around will be much better. Time to hold myself accountable and get it together. I am almost 6 months post-op and nowhere where I need to be. I am only looking forward and not back from here forward! **

Yea! I'm not really sure if this is good or not, but my goal is 45 minutes by race day, so I guess 1hr 9min isn't a bad spot to start from. Especially for not exercising in about a year and a half. I was pretty excited when I was done; proud that I was able to do the whole thing in one shot. I was able to watch TV at home so it made the time fly by (ok, maybe not fly by), but certainly go by faster than if I had not been watching The Bachelorette (I know, I know; one of my guilty and shameful pleasures). I was so proud of myself, I decided I needed to have a picture taken....
Sorry, the lighting isn't so great...hubby was not a photographer in his previous life. Now, although I was very proud of myself, and excited to get back at it today; I was not a happy camper whilst trying to roll my tired and lifeless body out of bed this morning. EVERYTHING hurt. I expected maybe my legs to be sore. But no, the ankles, the legs, the back, the arms...WTF... arms? How this happened I have no clue. Everytime I had to get up from my chair at work today was a constant reminder of how out of shape I am. Once I was up and walking a few feet I am ok. But the first couple of steps resemble an 80 year old that just had their hip replaced. Its awful. I am praying tonight I get a better nights sleep (neighbors thought it was ok to light of M-80's until 3am last night), and that I am able to get out of bed a little easier in the morning. Wish I had a nice hot tub right now. Ok, maybe even a simple jacuzzi tub would do.

Until tomorrow my friends...have a great night!

First Fill! (originally posted 7/7/2011)

I feel like I'm an official bandster now. While I know the official initiation of being a bandster is known to many as a "PB" episode, I truly feel like today is the beginning of my next chapter in my Lap-Band journey. ("Lap-Band journey" sounds so cheesy to me...but I don't know what else to call it) Anywhoot, the fill appointment went good. My PA asked how it was going. I told her that it was going ok. I explained that the past 3 weeks have been pretty difficult. I am making ok food choices, but the portions were larger than wished. She said she understood. She told me we would start off with 3cc's (I have a 10cc band). This sounded good to me. I had no clue really how much they would put in on the first fill, so I was ok with it. She had me lay back, take a deep breath in, and then told me to push my stomach out as far as I could to make it look like I had a pregnant belly. I barely even felt the prick of the needle. It was over before I knew it. She then gave me some water to make sure it went down ok. It went down fine, and I couldn't feel a thing. She then explained that I may not feel a difference with my first fill. But not to worry, just really try to limit myself to the 1 cup portions of food. It sounds like my surgeons office is a little strict on fills as I cannot come in for another one for a minimum of 6 weeks. Is this normal? I hear some of you say you could just call and see if they could get you in the next day if you wanted it. Maybe its an insurance thing? Either way, I am content with it. It will give me time to adjust my behaviors and not just totally rely on the band. My next appointment is scheduled for August 18th; I remembered on the way home though that the 19th we are going out of town for a Miranda Lambert (love this girl) concert and I don't want to be out of town in case I have any problems. I also don't know how limited my food options are going to be while out of town and in a hotel/casino in Lake Tahoe. So, I have decided I will call the office tomorrow and reschedule for the following Monday after the concert. I don't want to put it off, but I figure better to be safe than sorry.

I can't wait to get back on track and start measuring everything again. Hopefully this fill (even if it doesn't technically give me any restriction) will play enough of a mind game with me to get my weight loss going again. I will also get on my treadmill again tomorrow night and train myself a little more for my 5K in October. I got a little off track during my "Bandster Hell" period and hope this phase is over.

In celebration of my band being filled for the first time, and it technically is doing a job now rather than just sitting like a dull piece of plastic around my stomach, I feel the need to give it a proper name. It will be my best friend, and probably my worst enemy at times, and I feel it only proper that such an important person (I mean thing) in my life should not be known simply as "the band". Thus, I have come up with the name Rhonda. Don't ask me why, I just like it. I also have had the Beach Boys song "Help Me Rhonda" stuck in my head and feel it is only appropriate. I can hear myself in the future singing to my friend, "Help me Rhonda, Help Help Me Rhonda..."


Man, that was a rough month! (originally posted 8/6/2011)

This is another post that I decided to delete. This one was way too personal and should never have been posted in the first place. The gist of it was that Matt's (my husband) grandfather passed away and my sister got to a very dark place. This month was a total whirlwind for me, but I was still able to lose 5 lbs. Going through a funeral and the personal family issues regarding my sister were overwhelming. I knew I was starting to lose myself at this point, and that I would soon need to find myself again and dedicate to my lap-band again.

HELP...In Pain! (originally posted 8/9/2011)

First off I want to thank those that left comments on my last helps to know others that you don't even know are there for you or even just care about your life :)

So...last night I and my husband went to dinner. I had about 10 chips with salsa and ate them like I hadn't eaten in a month. For some reason I was STARVING. Then I ordered a 1/2 order of Nachos. I had never had them before at this restaurant, and they just sounded really good. Here's what the nachos entailed: Chips. refried beans, shredded beef, tomatoes, sour cream, and of course melted cheese. The plate came out and was HUGE. I made to sure to comment on the fact that I was glad I only ordered the 1/2 order. Anyways, I had about 6-7 nachos before I felt full, and it was really messy looking, and I was basically over the whole thing. As soon as I was done eating I felt STUFFED! Which was weird for me because I know I have eaten larger portions before and didn't feel this way. So we got home and I knew right away something didn't feel right. Usually if I eat too fast or too much my back hurts a little and I feel the pressure in my chest, but this time I had a sharp pain below my port area. It is actually more towards my waist line, but directly beneath my incision for the port. I was so uncomfortable that I just wanted to go to sleep. It took awhile, but I finally went to bed. Woke up this morning, still have the pain! It has subsided a lot, and only seems to hurt when I take a deep breath in. I called my surgeon this morning and they said that everything is probably ok. They told me that my intestines and colon area are kind of near the port and where I am explaining the pain. They asked if I have had a lot of gas or constipation lately, both to which I said yes. They thought this could be causing it and told me just to eat more slowly and keep track of what I eat and when I get symptoms.

Have any of you experienced this pain before? I just don't know what to make of it. I had some cantaloupe this morning, a hard boiled egg, and some soup for lunch, all of which went down fine. I just think its weird how it hurts only when I take a deep breath. And the nachos I ate last night aren't really anything that shouldn't go down fine. I didn't eat that much of the beef on it, and I had steak a couple of nights ago and was perfectly fine. Hmmmmmmm....whatever it is, I hope it goes away soon.

....I almost forgot; I went poop and it still hurts :(

5K Training Has Officially Begun! (originally posted 8/11/2011)

As I mentioned in a previous post I was going to sign up for a 5K scheduled for October 8th.  Well, it is official! I have signed up and am on the list of runners for the 5K. I am a little bit nervous at this point as I feel like I don't have enough time to train. My goal is to finish in 45 min. and to run the whole thing. With everything I had going on this past month, I didn't work out even once. The last time I stepped on my treadmill was on July 5th when I did a whole 5K to see what my starting time would be. I did it in 1hr and 9 min. Today I decided I would start the official couch to 5K training program to get me set in the barely 8 weeks I have until race day. Here is what week 1 looks like with the program I have selected:

00:00-5:00: Warmup walk
5:00-6:00: Run
6:00-7:30: Walk
7:30-8:30: Run
8:30-10:00: Walk
10:00-11:00: Run
11:00-12:30: Walk
12:30-13:30: Run
13:30-15:00: Walk
15:00-16:00: Run
16:00-17:30: Walk
17:30-18:30: Run
18:30-20:00: Walk
20:00-21:00: Run
21:00-22:30: Walk
22:30-23:30: Run
23:30-25:00: Walk
25:00-30:00: Cooldown Walk

This was set up to do easily on the treadmill. I have to do this 3 times a week. Here is the link in case anyone else is interested.

I must say, it was not easy. I went through the first 3 runs ok. By the time my 4th run came in, I was thinking, "Man, this is hard." The 5th one went something like this, "I can't do this anymore." And when I came to the 6th run I got my motivation back and said, "Theres only 3 more runs left, you've already done 5." I am not gonna lie, this was the hardest thing I have EVER done. Not just physically, but mentally as well. Ok, I can only think of one thing harder and that was my 10 week police academy. But, this is a VERY close 2nd. After I was done I felt such a sense of accomplishment. I can't say that I am excited about doing it again in 2 days, but hopefully after awhile it will become less of a chore and something I enjoy more. While I was running my chest felt tight, my right shin started to hurt, the small headache I had today was now full force, and my the back of my thighs got a little chaffed. And you know what the funny thing is? It was worth it! I cried when I finished because I was so proud of myself. Let me remind you, still not looking forward to doing it again, but content knowing that I will finish this!

By the you think they will have medics along the race???? (hehehehe)

(I almost forgot to say thank you to MandaPanda for commenting on my last post; I am happy to say I am pain free now...I think I need to listen to my surgeons office more and trust that they know what they are talking about. I must have eaten too fast, or it was gas pain. Whatever it was is gone, and I'm sooo happy it wasn't anything to worry about.)